Hark! A clock strikes thirteen
Just a quicky today – just enough to make you paranoid.
The police officer leans in through the window. You are not even sure why you’ve been stopped. ‘Scuse me citizen – may I have your hidentity card please?’
‘No. I am not required to carry it, so I don’t’.
‘Well sir, that’s a little suspicious if you hasks me. Looks to me like you ave somefink to ide. I is placin you hunder harrest hunder the hanti-terrorism laws of two-fowsund-hand…’
‘What?’
‘you is not required to say henifink, but if yer doesn’t, den everyone will fink you is a villain hanyway. Give me your ‘and, citizen.’
‘What on earth for?’
‘Genetic sample, citizen. Now that you is hunder harrest, failure to supply a hofficer with a genetic sample is a criminal hoffese with a mandatory sentence of…
‘Oh, very well. Here’s my hand.’
‘Fank you, sir. Just a little prick.’
The officer places the needle into a handheld computer. A moment passes as the sample is read.
‘Well now, citizen, I is hafraid that you his potentially a very naughty boy…’
The European court of human rights have ruled that holding the DNA of people who have not been convicted of any offence is inappropriate. Which might stave off gene plod for a moment or three. Nobody seems to be bothered about the rest, though. I am. The argument for holding genetic samples is fairly clear in the most serious offences. But how important can it be for fraudsters, burglars and the like? Or shoplifters? Drunk and disorderly? Jaywalking? I’d argue that only the most serious crimes warrant being placed onto the ‘so very criminal that they might very well have done anything, better check just in case’ list. Jacqui Smith has said today that it’s inappropriate to keep samples from people under ten. How very generous. Ten years old? My god! They’re keeping samples from scrumpers! Obviously destined for lives as criminal masterminds…
Civil liberties have been eroded in recent years with a speed and depth that quite frankly makes me want to laugh out loud at the sheer audacity of it. How on earth have they got away with all this? It seems like everyone I talk to knows that they have been brought in on feeble pretexts and are absolutely useless for solving the combating the ‘crimes’ and activities they are designed to cope with. We have more cameras per person than any country on earth. We are monitored for simply protesting. They want to track the movement s of our cars. We voluntary carry little devices that let them monitor our positions. Every electronic transaction we ever make is logged. Under RIPA powers, your council can place you under surveillance if someone complains that your music is too loud. It’s enough to make you paranoid.
Let’s assume, however, that the government we currently has just has our best interests at heart. Let’s give them the benefit of the doubt for a moment. Now that there are all these powers and rights and information databases, who’s to say what a subsequent government might do? Imagine what Stalin or Hilter might have done with such information. Imagine what the BNP might do.
I was reassured by one thing though, today. That ‘partner tracker’ thing on the television is a joke. For now.
‘Ah, I sees, Mr Burton, that your genetic profile hindicates a predisposition towards rebelliousness hand depression, and a hincreased tendency to become henraged. Well now, I’d be positively derelict in my duties if I didn’t take you to the station himidiately hand lock you hup for the protection hof heveryone. I’m sorry citizen, but hit looks like the labour camps for you.’
‘But… but I didn’t do anything!’
‘Not yet, citizen, not yet, but, statistically speaking, you will.’
It’s too late, he’s got his Tazer out, and his partner has opened the door and cuffed you.
‘Oh yes, sir, and for your hinformation, you have done somefink criminal.
‘One hof your tail lights his out.’
Such hammers fall silently, and from a great height.